I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
