Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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