maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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