Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
