batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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