thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
