i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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