Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
