We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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