I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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