I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
