Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
