It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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