summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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