I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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