my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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