yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
