You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
