i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're too hungover to prance.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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