I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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