She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
