I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
