dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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