You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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