guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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