he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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