We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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