too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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