idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
