i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
