JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
