I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
