Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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