My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
