You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
