I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize