it was like his penis was on wheels.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize