i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
