there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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