How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
