I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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