I hope mine doesn't look like that
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
