Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
