so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
