The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
