hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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