just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
