So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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