Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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