her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
