I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
