don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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