OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
