weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
