Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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