So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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