So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
