and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
