I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
