Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
