Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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