I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
