some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
