I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
