i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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