flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
