all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
