Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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