I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
pray to the hookup gods
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
