Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
